Bar
by Kaorots
Summary: .'The bar was small and simple. There was little smoke in the air. The light was subdued. Sighing, Iruka wrote a C on the Kuroki’s brat’s test. Kakashi took a stool next to him.' Sort of a sequel to 'Suds', vaguely Kakairu


Disclaimer : Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi, Shizune, Kotetsu and Tsunadedo not belong to me, but to Masashi Kishimoto, who wrote the manga Naruto.

Matsuo Hanako, Hasegawa Ayumi, and the Kuroki annoying and lazy brat belong to me. The scared ninja, the little girl, the couple, the woman, the old man and the bartender are mine too… But since they don't have name, I don't really have a proof ;).

Title: Bar

Sort of a sequel to "Suds", posted on ffnet and on the kakairu community.

Genre: Humor ? Not-so-subtle innuendos.

Characters: Iruka, Kakashi ( duh! )

Resume: "The bar was small and simple. There was little smoke in the air. The light was subdued. A ninja was drinking near the exit door. A little girl entered the place. Sighing, Iruka wrote a C+ on the Kuroki's brat's test. Kakashi took a stool next to him."

Comment : Supposed to be an answer to a challenge on Ichaichasensei.

Thanks a lot to Lotus Aia, who let me use her sentence: "None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all", from her fanfiction, on ffnet the Naruto Expressions

Status: One-shot

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Bar

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The bar was small and simple. There was little smoke in the air. The light was subdued.

A couple sat in the background, eating silently. Sometimes, they would whisper ; the man would stroke his lover's hand ; the woman would caress his hair. They were looking at each other tenderly.

A ninja was drinking near the exit door. His body was tense, and he seemed ready to jump and fight some unknown enemy. He wasn't home. He was in Konoha, his village, but he couldn't feel safe there anymore, for he had seen too many betrayal, blood and lies. A scar ran along his face, from his left temple to the right corner of his chapped lips, crossing his formerly broken nose.

A little girl entered the place with a grin and asked the bartender for her mother's order. The ninja, startled, began to take a kunai out of its holster. Then he shook his head and went back to drinking. He was ignored.

The bartender smiled at the girl. It was truly a strange smile, because it was sincere, and yet, it looked forced. The man had worked too much with shinobis, their distrust and paranoia had rubbed off on him.

He gave the child his mother's package. She waved before she left. Iruka smiled at her cheerful manners and crossed out a bad answer on the paper in front of him.

The two lovebirds left, holding hands.

Sighing, Iruka wrote a C+ on the Kuroki's brat's test. His last red pen had just given up – he had been marking Matsuo Hanako's essay by then – and he was using a green one.

A woman came in and installed herself in the back of the café. The bartender quickly took her order. She shrugged to no one in particular and started reading some anonymous magazine.

Silence.

The ninja hiccupped a little. He scratched is cheek absently, swallowed in one gulp what was left of his glass, and asked for more. The bartender gave him another beer and brought the woman the drink she had ordered. She shrugged again and kept reading. The glass remained untouched. She had little bruises on her wrist and her jaw, but she didn't move with the natural stealth of a ninja ; she was a civilian. Sometimes, she would chew her lower lip, absent-mindedly, and the pages of her magazine would stop being turned : she would be lost in thoughts.

Iruka mumbled death threats. How come the little Ayumi, the Hasegawa kid !, couldn't remember the strategic uses for genjutsu? It wasn't that difficult.

"This is so far-fetched ! Why do I teach, I wonder?"

"Maa, Iruka-sensei, are you talking to yourself?"

The chuunin gave a start. Then, hands half-way to his holsters, he recognized Kakashi, who took a stool next to him.

The copy nin frowned.

"Shouldn't you be using a red pen, Iruka-sensei?"

"None of your business!" screamed Iruka's mind. But his hands remembered the feel of soap on rubbed, bruised skin, and the softness of an ordinary white towel.

"My red pen died." He answered with a joke.

Strangely enough, Kakashi frowned even more. He took the green pen in his right hand and shook it thoughtfully.

"You do know pens aren't alive, don't you?" the grey-haired man asked seriously.

Iruka almost slapped him.

"It's a metaphor!" he shouted, angry at himself for having answered the older man in the first place.

He was upset. Kakashi felt it and smiled reassuringly. He put the pen on the bar, near the paper sheets.

"I'm happy you don't give up so easily, then."

Iruka ignored him and took a sip of his coffee. It was hot, it warmed him, and, despite the caffeine, it calmed him enough to refrain him from strangling his superior.

The woman called the bartender. She ordered some tea. Her previous glass was still full of whisky.

The ninja sobbed and hiccupped, and sobbed again, and took a mouthful of beer. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, paid and left.

The sound of rustled paper went up.

Kakashi savoured his own coffee, humming softly, lips against the edge of the cup. Iruka went back to his grading.

Kakashi hummed.

Iruka's hand clenched on the pen.

Kakashi kept humming.

Iruka tried to ignore him. He really did. He knew five year old kids were to be ignored when irritating, and Kakashi was behaving a lot like a five year old. It was only logic.

Well, usually, Iruka would have been dealing with a real brat, not some crazy genius who seemed bored enough to spend time annoying a school teacher. Sadly, said genius was a jounin and an ex Anbu. He was used to waiting. Worse, he enjoyed it, and felt strangely excited, thrilled by it, like the predator he was… or so Iruka had been told by Kotetsu. Then, Kotetsu had told him Shizune was a porn actress too, so he wasn't really reliable.

Inner Iruka let out a little cry of distress.

"Okay Kakashi-sensei. You won!" Outer Iruka burst.

In the back of the bar, the woman gave a start. With a curse and a glare at the two shinobis, she picked her fallen magazine from the floor. She looked about to cry.

Kakashi stopped his humming…

"I don't know what you're talking about." He answered calmly, taking a sip of his coffee.

… And went back to it. After letting out a strangled noise, Iruka held the bridge of his nose, running a finger along his scar. Inner Iruka hit his head against an invisible wall.

The chuunin felt his infamous temper raising, and took some deep breaths to calm down.

"Why are you following me ?" There was a slight, pained pause. "You don't have some kind of crush on me, do you?"

"Well, no."

Kakashi closed his eyes, pretending to be thinking. He smiled again.

"Though I must say I wouldn't mind. One would say you are really cute, Iruka-sensei." The grey-haired man laughed.

Iruka gave him a half-hearted look, trying not to stutter, but unable to repress a blush from spreading on his cheeks and ears though, luckily, not down his neck. Did the man think he was funny ?

"You would really sleep with some potentially dangerous stranger because you think he's cute?! which I'm not."

Kakashi shrugged.

"I wouldn't mind dying a virgin, it's living as one that'd bother me. Besides, you're not a stranger. You're Umino Iruka."

"And you are insane."

Silence.

Iruka looked at his hands and remembered the red ink whose sight made him flinch:

"A ninja wouldn't die a virgin, anyway. None of us are virgins, life has screwed us all." He smiled. He didn't know exactly if he was joking or being serious. His own words scared him a bit.

Then he shrugged to himself. He was acting like a soap-opera character.

The thought made him laugh inwardly.

And Kakashi was the lost half-brother who would rescue him from the depths of his ghetto and help him recover his stolen heritage from their evil, evil aunt Tsunade.

"This is it." Inner Iruka sighed. "We're all going insane."

"If you need more soap, tell me. I have a lot in my bathroom. I really bought too much of it." Kakashi teased slightly.

Iruka gave him a puzzled look before he started chuckling.

Because part of the heritage was soap. As in, soap-opera !

Inner Iruka tried committing ritual suicide. It didn't work.

Kakashi beamed at the strange, yet sincere amusement on Iruka's face. There was a laugh in the chuunin throat, refrained, and the copy nin didn't understand why he wouldn't let it out. Set it free, you know.

Kakashi liked laughing. He liked listening to laughs. He thought the natural and spontaneous ones were the most pleasant. Maybe he could help…

"Hey Iruka-sensei… I lost my virginity a long time ago. Can I take yours?" He asked with a wink.

Iruka tensed.

The woman snickered, snorted and tore her magazine to pieces. She called the bartender with a nervous wave of her hand. Her shoulders were shaking.

Iruka smiled.

"Oh, shut up."

He laughed, punching friendly at Kakashi's arm. Surprised but relaxed, the man almost fell off his stool.

The woman paid. She had drank her tea. Her whisky glass had been emptied in the toilets' washbasin. When she left, she passed an old man at the door.

The old man sat a table near the exit. He smiled at the bartender and started talking to him. He was a regular customer of this bar. He was dressed in civilian clothes, an old jean and a pale blue shirt, but from the smooth way he moved, you couldn't be sure he wasn't a retired shinobi – though they were very few. Shinobis usually died on the front.

Kakashi went through the pockets of his chuunin vest.

"Here."

He held a red pen out to Iruka. The chuunin took it with a surprised look. He frowned. He sighed. He laughed.

"Let me guess, you bought too many red pens too?"

Kakashi looked at him comically wide eyed. Iruka smiled mischievously. He went happily back to his grading. Kakashi started humming again, but the teacher no longer minded. The jounin coffee was cold ; he would ask it to be warmed, and Iruka's too.

The bartender brought the old man a mint tea and some Arabic cakes.

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Second fanfiction in english.

Comments, and especially constructive ones, are welcome… … Oh, scratch that. Every comment you could give me (unless it's flaming --) is welcome.


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